exercises for writing checks

If you build a house, you have to be good at writing checks (you also have to be good at having money in your checking account, but that's for another post...). And there's nothing worse than sitting down for a check writing spree and getting finger cramps, especially if the receiver of said check is watching with horror while you writhe in pain hooting "YYYEEOOOWWWW! MY FINGERS!!! MY FINGERS!!! YIPPIN-YEEEEOOOOWWWW!!!"

Therefore, it's critical that you get your check writing hand in shape BEFORE the check writing binge begins. For example, we just hired an engineering firm and geotechnical firm to start work on our house. Bills will be arriving soon in addition to the architectural bills. We need to get ready.

First, start off with a good stretch. From a relaxed position:

Spread your fingers as far as you can and HOLD (one-two-three-four...):

Repeat three times.

Now that you're warmed up, we'll start with a split squat. First one side:

And then the other:

Repeat for ten reps total. Note that the extended middle finger of this exercise is happenstance; however, as a bonus, this exercise preps you for action when the cement truck cuts you off on the interstate.

Next up are curls. Set your hand on a solid service, palm up:

(Dang my wrist is wrinkly: We may need to forego engineered-stone countertops for Formica for  a wrist-lift!) Now LIFT (one-two-three-four...)

and repeat for a total of eight times.

Next up: Jumping Jacks or, as I prefer to call them, Jumping Bills (as in Dollar Bills). From a pinch position:

HOP OUT!

And repeat for a total of 15 times (inhale on the return-to-the-pinch movement). Bonus: This exercise prepares you for Saint Patty's day or when you become a dirty old man.

Next up is the quaquaversal lunge. Starting from the I'm-picking-up-a-domino position:

SPREAD your fingers in all directions.

Repeat for a total of ten times.

Finally, we have push-ups. From a prone position on your exercise surface:

LIFT, keeping your palm from sagging in the middle. Once you build some strength, you can place a coffee cup on the top of your hand (with or without coffee) for additional weight.

Repeat this 12 times.

Now, go through this circuit of exercises two more times. For a cool down, turn on your cable television and search the channels for HGTV.

If you do these exercises twice a week you should have no problem writing at least seven checks in one sitting. Just remember to pace yourself: You don't want to be stronger than your account.